And with my telekinetic powers, I will move this heart...

I've been lying here thinking of what I'm going to do today and then I smell toast. Either from a number of little deli's that surround me or a random neighbor.

So my mind trails and I think of how good baking pie smells when you walk in from the cold. Cakes or cookies smell fabu, too. I'm thinking of Thanksgiving, I guess.

I miss little feet. Not the smell, jeje, but the sound. It's funny how one doesn't notice things until they are blindingly not there.

Before I was thinking about toast, I was thinking I need to make a plan. It doesn't appear that I'll be working here in NY, so that means I'll be moving South. I've a dear friend that is willing to allow me to stay with her, paying rent of course (but nowhere near what I'm paying now), and finding a job in her area.

Most of my childhood was spent being raised in the south, so I won't be completely shell-shocked;-)

This time last year, I was making plans to go to Japan and dealing with a messy divorce. The year before that, I was toying with the idea of returning to school.

Will I ever be unpacked? Since I was 16 years old, I have never been fully unpacked (btw, I'm 37 going on 38).

When I was 16, my parents moved from KY back to Indiana. We lived with Grandpa, then with Grandma, then I basically left home. Drifting from one friend to the next, even through marriage, my things, my special things, have remained in a box. To type that out, now that it's not a random thought swirling around in my head, seems kinda pathetic.

I know I'm not alone though. I can't be. The sheer amount of people on the planet, statistically speaking, tells me I can't be alone.

My Plan A failed. You know, family, husband, home, college...that plan. Now I need to work on Plan B and get my shit together. The thought of having to start over in life scares the hell out of me, but at the same time, not knowing anything is even worse and I'd rather have some kind of goal to be working toward than to be wandering aimlessly. Where there's a will, there's a way, right?



And my apologies for this and my last post for being Debbie Downers. My thoughts tend to be a bit ADD as far as subject, but pretty much remain theme focused at least.