It has been awhile...

Whoever thought I would end up in Houston...



To think about the 'how's' and 'why's' of what brought me here is exhausting...if I keep writing as I would like, it will leak out eventually.



For now, I need to write. Not explain, just write.



I don't want to be in simple existance anymore, I want to live. I'm not sure how. I feel trapped in my own mind. Doing what needs doing...going where I need to go. Acutal living? Pfft, what's that?



When I was married, I felt trapped. I'm no longer married and the feeling is still there.



Relationships shouldn't have to be so hard. Ups and downs, sure...but love. I've experienced a rare couple of times this love.



I'm heartbroken. I don't want to be a slow learner, but I can't seem to let go.



Lies, lies, lies, lies...and did I mention the lies? I don't think I've ever hated someone as equally loved them. It's madness. It's unhealthy.



And if by chance anyone reads this that are friends with me, please keep your advice to yourself. I know how you feel...you've told me over and over till you make me want to puke.